(MAJOR SPOILERS) SSB4 Roster Leak Opinions

I wrote this last night in an intense fight of rage, so please excuse the Godzilla-like anger here.

DO NOT READ THIS UNLESS YOU WISH TO HEAR MAJOR SPOILERS ABOUT THE UPCOMING SUPER SMASH BROS 4 AND ITS ROSTER!!!!

That being said… damn… where do I start? Most Smash fans are probably already aware of the screen shot roster leaks from last week. Well, video leaks were also released (already removed from the net) just further confirming the preceding leak to be as real as it gets. I don’t normally get set on leaks, but this one has pretty much been proven true. I was doing my research all weekend while praying the roster wasn’t real, but knowing in my gut it probably was, but now my fearful suspicions have come true. Now, I’m quite aware that a roster does not make a game, but in a title like Smash, it still determines a lot of how into the game I will likely get. Melee and Brawl were such major parts of my life, as well as that of my friends, but this next installment will doubtfully share the same value and impact. Aside from the roster choices being the worst possible in my opinion (some of which are even ones I joked mockingly would be in the game after the announcement of Wii Fit Trainer in June 2013 because they seemed THAT bad, but never even thinking the roster would sink THAT low) there are also leaks confirming stale character fighting styles and gameplay flaws due to the roster. Hear m out. I’ll go through each returning and new character previously unannounced prior to the leak. Some are good, while most are… shudder inducing.

WARIO

Wario is returning, which is great for me. I can’t quite figure out why it is such a popular opinion to hate this guy and want him out of the roster. Almost everybody I talk to or read says they want him gone. Between his uniquely designed features and stature, his potty humor unlike any other characters’, his extremely original fighting style (and being classed as one of the highest tier characters in the game), and his massive claim to fame and popularity starting in the early 90s and continuing today with two major starring series and dozens of spin-offs and cameos, I can’t understand why people want him gone. He’s a completely unique character unlike anyone else in the Smash roster in every single way, a tournament fan favorite, and one of the most well known and popular characters to originate from the Mario franchise. I’m very happy he’s back.

BOWSER JR.

Yup, another Mario character, and of all characters, little Bowser. Why go with any of the Koopalings, all of whom have completely unique designs, names, and personalities when you can just throw Bowser’s mini-me double in the game, right? I’ve always thought this guy was a bad idea since he first appeared on the GCN. He’s literally just the design of Bowser from Yoshi’s Island with a bib and little horns. Nintendo was notorious for making empty clones in Mario at that time (Toadette, Waluigi, and reviving Daisy only to make her a simple sports counter for Peach) especially since we lost the seven unique and super popular Koopalings shortly before his introduction, all of which stayed gone for two console lives with the exception of Superstar Saga while this uncreative shrunken Bowser had his hands in everything. I’ve never accepted this guy as anything more than just Bowser as a kid. Just about any Mario character would have been better than this, although I feel we didn’t need another one.

MR. GAME & WATCH

Yeah, I kind of assumed he’d be back. Not really mad or happy about this one. Whatever.

GANONDORF

When I first saw him return I was happy, as I was honestly afraid he was going to be left out after all, but the video leaks sadly confirm he is still the clunky Captain Falcon clone he was in Brawl. Seriously? After three games they still can’t think of any damn way to make him unique? Have they EVER played the Legend of Zelda? Play any one, he has dozens of attacks in each one, none of which have EVER shown up in Smash. And why a clone of Falcon in the first place? Those characters have absolutely zero connection to one another, nor do they share any similarities. Making him the slow, silly target he was in Brawl and the same half-ass clone just makes me think “why bother even bringing him back at all, then?” Has the Smash team not seen Tecmo’s work on Hyrule Warriors? A random third party company who pulled off a WAY better job representing Zelda characters, attacks and history while making a cameo game than SSB ever has come close to? Zelda is one of the top three most popular and beloved (not to mention widely known) Nintendo franchises of all time, right up there with Mario and Pokemon. Why does it always get the bad end when it comes to SSB? And that’s it for Zelda characters. No Impa or Midna or Ghirahim or anybody. None of the characters fans have been asking for, just the same three characters, and an alternate form for two of them, one of which is a full-blown clone.

FALCO

Obviously, being primarily a Falco main in Melee and Brawl, I’m happy he’s back, but knowing the trend in characters here, I’m sure no efforts were made to differentiate him anymore from Fox. Brawl was starting to do a decent job of slowly differing aspects of former clones from their extreme similarities in Melee, like a comfortable way to slowly ease users away from the clone and into a new style, but who knows if further changes will even be made in this installment. The only one I’m all for changing completely and not doing it slowly is Ganon, as he was globally dubbed the worst and least used character in Brawl.

JIGGLYPUFF

Yeah, it’s back. Thought it would be anyway.

DUCK HUNT

Yeah, seriously, the dog from Duck Hunt is in the game, and is just named “Duck Hunt”. Now, I know I’m one to complain about the lack of classic representation in Smash, but there’s still such a thing as doing it wrong, and Duck Hunt is precisely that. That’s not even a character. The picture doesn’t even just show the dog. It shows the dog and a duck. Is the entire game of Duck Hunt going to get up and beat up other Nintendo all-stars? Am I going to be able to play as the droopy tree in the background or the mountains in Skeet Shoot at some point too? There was no damn shortage of classic characters to use – Stanley the Bug Man, Professor Hector, Sheriff, Mach Rider, Imajin or Leena, Lip, or even Takamaru, who was already reduced to the pitiful role of assist trophy (I know I complain about SSB’s over abundance of “realistic” sword bearing warriors, but unlike the 500 Fire Emblem representatives, this guy represents a completely unique game, and is a katana wielding samurai, unlike any other featured character). It seems that all the worthy character ideas were reduced down to assists on this game. Midna, Ashley and Ghirahim were all extremely popular requests from people for years, yet they were reduced down to measly guest appearances. While all three of those aren’t characters I had on my wish list, all would be welcome additions, and much more so than who we actually got. Hell, as much as I hate them, Waluigi and Shadow the Hedgehog were incredibly popular character request that went assist quickly. Duck Hunt is simply a joke. “He” is only there so gamers can point, laugh, and shrug.

R.O.B.

Though I thought he was pretty cool and a fun character to play as, I did not think he would return, and most people seemed to hate him. I never quite understood the extreme anger towards ROB while all players welcomed Mr. Game & Watch back with open arms. MG&W was never even a real character. He’s just a culmination of sprites from G&W games from the 80s, some of which were even meant to be Mario (hell, one G&W game was meant to be about Popeye the Sailor Man, based on Nintendo’s arcade game for the same cartoon) making him nothing but a random series of unrelated images that just represent a specific product in Nintendo’s history. ROB was one of the most widely advertised products during the NES’s life, and was even referenced as a character in both Gyromite and Stack-Up. While I think Hector using ROB as a weapon would have been cooler, including ROB as a representative for the NES, its apparel, and its legacy was pretty cool, especially since he was the only Nintendo character fans were ever able to physically own and interact with (before you say “he isn’t a character”, go read the Gyromite and Stack-Up manuals. He was Hector’s AI creation designed to help around his lab). So, yeah, I’m happy ROB’s back.

NESS

I’m very happy he’s back, but I pretty much felt like he would be. Just as I worried, though, Lucas was cut and no further Mother reps joined the fight. How about since they just keep stealing Paula, Poo and Kumatora’s moves and giving them to Ness and Lucas (apparently Ness doing his trademark PSI Rockin’ would be the end of the world for SSB) let’s just put Kuma in Lucas’ place to get some more Mother 3 rep in his absence, as well as some unique flavor. Nah, why would that be a good idea? What we need is Bowser Jr. and…well, I’ll get to the worse characters soon. Anyway, this leak being proven true also proves the Ness and Jigglypuff leak of last year true, as both share the same official artworks.

DR. MARIO

OK, here’s where the roster starts becoming REALLY shitty. Yeah, for some fucking reason, Dr. Mario had to come back. Of all the characters cut from Melee in Brawl you’d think Sakurai would listen to the thousands of fans demanding Mewtwo back, who is, debatably, the most widely desired character in Smash ever since his removal, but no, he gives us a meaningless clone instead. Now, I know clones exist because they take way less time to program and design than unique fighters, but they’re also a cheap blow. A kick in the ass. I would rather have less characters all together than have extra illusionary slots housing pointless clones, especially when they are just characters we already have but in a different outfit or art style. Counting Toon Link, Ganondorf, Dr. Mario, Lucina, possibly Falco, and one other, there are about six clones in the roster. Nobody can tell me making six clone characters took quicker than one unique character might have taken. And, as said earlier, even if it did, then just give us fewer characters and leave the BS clones out. Clones just exist to create the illusion that the game is bigger than it really is. This blow is extra bad since Brawl’s team made many efforts to remove the clone aspect from Melee, with only Toon Link, Ganondorf and Falco really being clones (anybody who says Lucas and Wolf are clones doesn’t know anything about SSB. Just because they have similarly titled specials and resemble the appearance of another character slightly does not mean they are clones) and even in the case of all three of those characters, small strides were made to differentiate many standard, air, and special attacks, as well as stats more than they were in Melee. Then, to make it more insulting, Sakurai originally said he planned to filter out all clones in this game. This immediately lost its credibility after he revealed Toon Link, but it only gets worse with every clone he announces from now on. And the final major blow from including characters like Dr. Mario is the major focus on alternate costumes and skins in this game. We just got his unnecessary update about underwear Samus that he ridiculously enough had to mention was “created by our female staff”, so why in fuck does Dr. Mario need to be anything but an alternate costume for Mario? That’s all it is, Mario wearing a doctor costume. He was a disappointment in Melee, and he’s about ten times the disappointment in this game. Fuck you SSB staff. This is one of the biggest slaps in the face ever.

DARK PIT

I thought this guy was a HORRIBLE idea in Uprising alone, but putting him in Smash (as a complete Pit clone, mid you) is just insulting. Evil twin characters are not good ideas. They’re the ultimate sign of a writer’s sheer lack of creativity, yet every Nintendo character seems to have one now. Now, Wario, who is physically completely different from Mario, has a completely different personality, stars in his own adventures and has his own world and characters he interacts with, is an example of an actual creative, developed, and unique evil twin character. Dark Pit, who is practically an exact physical copy of Pit, fights with the same attacks, has the same fucking name, and more or less was only created out of a palette choice for Pit in the last Smash, is an evil twin done terribly wrong. Seriously, fuck this idea. This guy is less original than Bowser Jr., and only exists to further force Sakurai’s most recent game down all players’ throats. And everyone was telling me Medusa couldn’t be in…

SHULK

And finishing up the three final and worst characters we have… some guy who looks just like all other generic anime game characters with big swords and boyish faces/builds. Nothing about this guy belongs in a Nintendo game. As much as the Smash developers try to pretend Nintendo has a fast library of realistic anime warriors, they don’t. Nintendo is known for cute little weird cartoon characters like Mario, Kirby, Pikachu and Yoshi. In this game we have some of gaming history’s most well-known franchises and faces, including Mario, DK, Zelda, Pokemon, Pac-Man, Punch-Out!!, Mega Man, Metroid, Sonic and Kirby, and then there’s just this guy. Ask any casual gamer, even one who only played games a handful of times, who Mario, Link, Samus, Mega Man or Little Mac is, and they will instantly be able to tell you. Then ask them who Shulk is. There’s a 90% chance they will just sit there with there jaw hanging and no answer. This guy is not well known AT ALL! I know that since the first supposed leak that he was going to be announced July 14h, which never happened, every SSB fanboy/girl had to lie and say he was always on their top wish list, but realistically, most of us Nintendo fans had no clue who this guy was until that weekend. In fact, at the beginning of that weekend, just about everybody I talked to online, in person, or read online said they had no idea who he was. In fact, I haven’t even heard anything about the Xeno games in a good 8+ years or so (and before any angry fans shoot me down, yes, I do talk to gamers. Almost all of my friends are hardcore gamers, I talk to gamers all over the web on dozens of sites, I talk to gamers at arcades, I talk to gamers at tournaments and cons, I read gaming news online and gaming magazines, and I still have not heard anything about Shulk or these newer Xeno games until now). Even if you asked your average non-gamer, or 5/10 gamers for that matter, if they knew what “Xenoblade Chronicles” was, they would have no idea what you were talking about. This is just not an iconic character. As mad as that may make people, that’s really not my opinion but a true fact (to further support my argument, when googling “Shulk” the top suggestions include “Shulk Smash Bros” and “Shulk Fire Emblem”, also only one of the pages on the first page when “Shulk” is searched is actually from the Xeno Wiki, everything else is about Smash Bros). Adding this guy just kills all the integrity of the series. If you’re going to add him, then why not any other irrelevant and random character? Why not just throw Goku and Naruto in the fucking mix at this point? Apparently Nintendo bought this franchise at some point, but has anybody cared? No. Even if they did “buy” this series, as many rumor they did, it’s still not really a Nintendo series (he’s even listed with the cameos on the select screen) and has no history with Nintendo or place in its collection of all-stars. He also brings no variety at all, looking like just another Fire Emblem guy. Damn, half this cast fights with freaking swords! Way to kill all flavor in the cast. Obscure characters seem only doable to me when they are directly Nintendo created characters, or a game partner-produced with Nintendo, as this primarily is meant to be a Nintendo collection. The third party characters are only there to represent major faces from gaming history that had some relation to Nintendo in the past. There are plenty of recent Nintendo characters they could have featured rather than this obscure mess, like Wonder Red or Dillon. So, everybody says they’re cool with this irrelevant character, but people were actually mad when they thought Rayman might be playable. I do not get average Smash fans. This guy has no place in SSB, and along with Dark Pit and Dr. Mario is BY FAR the most ridiculous and worthless addition to this roster in my book.

Now, as I’ve said before, the roster says nothing about how the game will play. I may hate the characters, but I’m sure the game will be fun. I mean, I loved Brawl, and while it got boring in recent years and I’ve put it down for good, I would love a new installment that played close to it yet new and exciting. But, for a game like Smash, there is very little to draw you in before playing it besides what characters and games are being represented, and this game failed to deliver in that department. How could they do characters like Pac and Mega SO well, then bollox up the rest of this shit so bad? It may be opinion, but this roster is void of originality, and completely fails to meet the most popular requests from fans, some of which have been cried since Melee. Ridley, K. Rool, Dixie Kong, Midna, Mewtwo, Krystal, and a handful of other popular choices were completely left out. I may not care for all requsted characters, like Krystal, being in or not, but there’s no denying how strong the global demand is for all the above-mentioned characters. Sakurai’s obsessive spiting of his fans, controlling of his fans, and guilt tripping his fans make him seem like such a twisted, bitter, and insane man. I have never seen a game developer with such a massive ego and bizarre response to his fan base as I have in his case. It’s as if he knows his fan base is so mindlessly loyal at this point that he purposely doesn’t give them what they want just so he can then watch them all pretend they like whatever joke he dishes out instead and swallowing their pride, loyally consuming whatever he dishes out and treating it like holy scripture. That guy needs to stop spiting his fans on purpose and just listen to them for a damn change. I’ll still get this game, but man this roster is nothing to look forward to. Probably better I found about it in advance so the blow won’t be so hard when I actually buy the game. I think I’m looking forward to Hyrule Warriors more than this at this point.

I’m still pissed about Rayman not being in.